Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im six kinds of drunk right now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
