so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
