He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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