I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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