How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
