As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
