She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
