don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Blood and glitter go together right?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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