you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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