dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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