my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
