why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
