I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
