I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
