Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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