It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
