Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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