i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
