Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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