I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
