THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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