my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I want a musical about memes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
