u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
