I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
