Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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