i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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