Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
