A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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