Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
