I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
two words: eviction party
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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