PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
