And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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