3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
