I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
