Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
