We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
