I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
