$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
