My girlfriend figured out who you are.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
