just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Floor bacon is actually really good
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
