About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
