who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
