Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
