im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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