why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
