Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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