I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
