I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
