I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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