I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
