a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
