You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
