This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
