Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
