I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
