You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
