i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
