If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
