It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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