He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
