Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize