My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
