If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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