I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
