I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
