But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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