So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
