Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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