Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
