The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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