That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize