My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
