win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
