taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
