Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize