hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
