I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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