I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
