3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
