i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
