Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize